Dating is like shopping for ice cream at the ice cream store. You see all these different flavors and sample them until you pick the one ice cream that's the best for you. Some people figure out what/who they want from the first flavor testing very quickly. Some sample so many flavors it makes it just as difficult to have the hope or the confidence to pick the very best ice cream. Some people are faced with a choice between a couple of flavors that could both potentially be the best ice cream to buy and etc etc etc...Everyone has their own experiences and with them people begin to create their own ideas, believes, and morals about how to date. Throughout the dating experience we can better understand traits that we dislike or like in other people we date, until finally finding the best fit. One problem with dating is we often struggle understanding the person we are dating beliefs from their own personal experiences. I hear day by day topics debated about dating such as: whether or not guy should always open door for girl? How long should you wait till talk about marriage and kids when dating? How can I tell if these signals actually mean they like me? Is it ok for guys to ask girls out over texts? etc. depending on who you talk to, the answers to these topics are always going to constantly vary and probably even changing with the times.
One system people use to find their significant other is to make a list of qualities they want in the other person. Many times list can say things like physical appearance, personality traits, etc. I myself have found myself to put things on my list like loves music, physically fit, not to tall, etc. However, while these list of qualities/ingredients may help make the ice cream taste good the key to being committed to the ice cream flavor is whether or not that it is the best one to be committed to spending most amount of time with it and loving it. While many desirable qualities help us find that match I believe their are more important signs to finding the best match.
I believe a relationship and dating truly succeeds when god is in the relationship. As a Mormon in Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in my own personal opinion I think it is important to ask the questions: Do I constantly feel the spirit when I am with this person? Does this person uplift and edify me to keep my standards high? Does being with this person help me want to be closer to the temple and being temple worthy? Does being with this person make me want to be a better person and do I act on it?
Another reason I recently learned people have a hard time understanding how to date is because everyone likes to show love to each other in different ways. The ways we may liked to feel loved would not be as special or significant to another. The most accurate test I have taken in determining how you prefer to feel loved by others is the 5 love languages test. If you don't know what that test is, basically it is a test that tells you from highest to lowest score how you preferred to feel loved. The 5 different love languages are Physical Touch, Quality time, Words of Affirmation, Service, and Gifts. By taking this test when we are around our loved ones and especially those we date we can better understand how to show love in the most meaningful way to the other person. My highest score is quality time, when people truly spend time with me and give me their full undivided attention I feel very loved and appreciated by that person. However, I have dated people before that scored low in quality time and scored higher in other categories. I think understanding the love language of the person you are dating can be key to making it clear to other person that you care about them and help them feel loved in a way that even if it is not meaningful to you it is to them. here is the link if you wish to take the test
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
In summary, I'm no expert in love but what I do know is dating is confusing. But what do you think? Is their anything else that we can do to help ease the confusion of dating? If we can remember whats truly important in the long run then hopefully someday we can find the best ice cream for us that will bring true eternal joy and happiness.
*Opinion and Personal Experience Post*
*whether or not guy should always open door for girl?
ReplyDeleteNot always. For example, if she just wants to let herself out of the car instead of waiting a few seconds for him to get out and walk around to her side, then it's kind of stupid for him to be like "No, you have to stay there and wait for me." But if she wants him to open it then he should.
*How long should you wait till talk about marriage and kids when dating?
At least three dates to discuss it in general hypothetical terms, and six to discuss it as a genuine possibility.
*How can I tell if these signals actually mean they like me?
You can't. Sorry. (Well, I suppose you could ask them...)
*Is it ok for guys to ask girls out over texts?
On a first date yes because it can be less intimidating and they're no reason why they should be expected to make an emotional commitment on a first date when they're already taking the initiative to ask in the first place and the parties should just be getting to know each other. Texting conveys the same information as speech and the idea that one is more respectful than another is completely arbitrary and is based more on distaste for modern technology than anything else IMHO. However, after some foundation of relationship has been established using your voice instead of text provides more emotional intimacy.
*Is their anything else that we can do to help ease the confusion of dating?
There is, but sadly, it's never going to happen. Saying what we mean and meaning what we say instead of playing mind games just isn't the American way.
*Bonus question: is it okay for girls to ask guys out?
No. Because tradition, that's why. So there.
*there's no reason
DeleteI love hearing your opinions Christopher thank you! That is what is so hard about dating we all have different answers to questions like those and it can be confusing and send mix signals. Some of your answers are different than mine would be for those questions. if we stick to whats more important and show love for each other it can make the process less confusing.
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